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[...] = song lyrics
*...* = action scene
¤~¤ = one point of view
§¤§ = another point of view
"..." = spaces between conversation shows how it alternates between the
two people
[So this is who I am
And this is all I know]
*...two boys accidentally run into each other...*
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Although I guess I should've.
After all, you've always been as dedicated to the mission as I have. You are one of the best, and we've always been partners. I shouldn't have expected this mission to be different.
I shouldn't've *expected* it to, but I couldn't help hoping it would've been...
"Wh.. what are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same thing," a neutral tone came from the icy-eyed boy.
Jewel-toned eyes gain a glint before the reply, "I asked you first."
"True. If you must know, I have a mission."
[And I must choose to live]
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I really shouldn't have been surprised that we find each other now, especially on this mission. You've always believed that *she* was the key to peace for the colonies, peace for the Earth, peace for us all. You've always tried to explain how you felt, but I never really understood them.
Appropriate, since I never really understood you. I cared for you, but I never understood you.
"So do I." A pause. "I suppose you're here to protect *her*."
"Aren't you here for the same reason?"
"If the mission objective requires me to protect *her*, then I will."
A soft snort. "I should've known that you would take that attitude."
[For all that I can give
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But I have to.
"You know how I feel."
"I suppose so." A slightly cynical smile. "Probably the same way *I* feel about *her* then, ne?"
[And I will stand for my dream if I can]
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Damn you.
I swore to myself that I wouldn't do this, but one look at you makes me forget myself. That's one of the reasons I fell for you, I guess. Your infuriating, mysterious charm.
...
Is that why she fell for you, too?
"Not quite. I doubt I feel the same intensity that you do."¹
A chill laugh. "Probably not."
[Symbol of my faith in who I am]
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Haven't you ever realized how much I hated seeing you hurt?
...
No, I guess not. You were never really good at reading people, despite popular belief. Maybe that's why you still don't understand why...
"You've changed since we were last together. You never used to be this way."
A frosty glance. "What do you mean?"
A pause. "You know what I mean."
"I'm afraid I don't. Perhaps you'd care to elaborate?"²
A long glance at the frigid tone of the boy. "That's exactly what I mean. You've never treated me so coldly before. At least, not until we..." the accusing voice trails off.
A blank look. "Oh, yes." A thin-lipped smile. "Not until we broke up, is that it?"
[But you are my only]
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So unbelievably cold.
I never knew your beautiful gemstone eyes could be as hard as actual stones. Even for our worst enemies, you've never looked at *anyone* this way. What did I do?
What makes me so horrible that only I deserve this from you?
A brief scowl. "Yes. That's it." A snarled comment, "Was it worth it?"
"It's always worth it."
"But it wasn't with me?"
"No."
[And I must follow on the road that lies ahead]
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It's the only way for peace to last for the world, if not for me...
And I'm so tired of fighting, I'll do anything to make it stop. Even if it means tearing out my own heart in the process...
She helps stop the pain, but only for awhile, then I start remembering you, and seeing you now only makes it harder. It only makes me want to give in more...
No!
I *have* to try. I can't let anyone else suffer. Too many people have already. If I can do something to help...
I just *can't*.
"You can be such a bastard." A short laugh.
"Something we have in common, ne?"
"Of course." A bitter tone. "I doubt I ever was as much as you though. At least I never led someone on. I told *her* about us."
"I know. I'm..." He broke off. A hesitant voice continues, "I'm sorry about that. I should've broken the news to you in a better way."
"*Anything* could've been better than how *you* did it."
The apology is repeated. "I'm sorry. But I had to go to her."
"*Was* it worth it? For you? For her?" A snarl. "It certainly wasn't for *me*."
A small, slightly sad smile. "I had to make it worth it for her.³ Anything else doesn't matter."
[And I won't let my heart control my head]
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Don't you care anymore?
You're not acting like you do, but I know more than most how one can hide things behind a carefully choreographed act...
A scowl. "Of course. For her."
"Yes." A pause. Then a continued explanation, "Don't you understand? She's given up so much for me, so much for *us*. Could I have another choice? Could I have acted another way? Could *you*?"
[But you are my only
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...
How much more can I withstand you?
A repeated, "Bastard. You know I would've done it. I never told you, but you *know* I would've done anything for you." A bitter look. "I thought you felt the same way." Another short laugh. "Apparently you did. Just not for *me*."
A neutral, "You're strong. You can get over it. I thought you'd've gotten over it by now."
"You.." An enraged voice, "You were my first. I thought you'd be my last." A low, "I thought you'd be my only." Louder again, "How can you expect me to get over it that quickly?!"
A quiet, "No. I suppose it hasn't really been that long. But you're a soldier. You *know* how short life can be. You know how to *survive*. She doesn't. She's strong, but in a different way. She's strong in her beliefs, and that's both her pride and her downfall. She needs someone."
"Why does it have to be *you*?"
A rhetorical question. "Who else can it be?" He continued. "She trusts me. She loves me. I can't shatter her dream. It's what gives her strength, and that lets her keep on fighting. Ever since I met her, she's been fighting. Not neccessarily physically," a pause, then a rueful, "although she can do that as well."
[Immortality
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...
No. Even as you do this to me, I know I love you. I always will.
...
Even as you kill me.
"She needs someone. I can accept that. She needs you. I can understand that. She's not the only one. But do *you* need her?"
A cruel smile. "Do you honestly want to know?"
Another scowl is aimed at the slim figure, "No, but I *have* to know. If you ever want me to let you go, you'll tell me."
"Ah, always the stubborn one, aren't you. No wonder you were selected to be a Gundam pilot."
"Like you're one to talk. You're just as stubborn. Just as determined as I ever was. You just showed it in different ways."
An almost affectionate glance is given. "And in different times."
[Fulfill your destiny
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...
If only it would happen in this world too.
But it can't.
The hero has to be with a golden princess so that her silver tongue could beguile the world to peace. Why don't you understand that? I know you long for the end to all the fighting as much as I do. So *why* can't you understand that the sunlit charmer *needs* the dark hero to be her strength through the struggle for peace?
...
The prince? The prince ends up with an ebony-haired girl that will make him... content, if only he lets her.
If he only would.
A dour glare, "Just *tell* me. Stop changing the subject. You want me to go, then *tell* me."
[My storm will never end
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Now I don't know anything anymore.
Damn it!
I hate not being in control. You know that.
So why are you doing this to me...
Another snarled demand.
A futile warning. "You won't like my answer."
"Do I *ever* like anything you do?"
A smirk. "You liked everything I did to you when we were..."
"That was then! Now.. now I can strangle you without remorse. Just *tell* me. Why did you go to her?"
"Don't you know by now?"
[The king of hearts, the joker's wild]
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...
If I'm good, will I see you again?
I.. I doubt in the existence of God. If He is here, then why has He let the war go on destroying so many lives?
But still...
If I pray with all my heart, can I find you in the future and never let go?
The tirade is continued, "Why did you leave? Why didn't you stay? Didn't you want to? Damn it! Why did you never tell me anything?!"
A pause, then a tired, "I told you. Even if I had wanted to stay, I couldn't have."
[But we don't say goodbye
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I never believed that. I always thought that those same differences, and those same similarities, should've only made us cling harder to each other.
It should have.
So what went wrong?
...
What are you hiding from me?
"Damn you."
A wry comment is tossed out, "If you're hoping to win me back, then these little endearments aren't exactly helping your cause."
['Cos I have found a dream that must come true]
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But emotionally...
In my heart I want to choose you and say to hell with the world. A world without you isn't a world I want to live in.
I want to, *so* much.
...
But I can't. For the colonies, for the Earth, for *her*...
For her...
A curse is offered in return. "Just *tell* me. Do *you* need her?"
An inscrutable look, "She's been there for me."
[Every ounce of me must see it through]
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...
I wouldn't, though it's so tempting right now as he gives me these evasive answers that confuse more than clarify...
A harsh voice demands, "Stop screwing around and just *tell* me."
[But you are my only]
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...
I should be flattered that you feel for me so much that you do this... But right now, if we can't be together, then all I want is for you to just let it go...
Let me go...
But you won't, so now I have to do it again...
A dark glare is given to the stiff figure.
A slow, carefully worded response is given. "I can very truthfully say that I love her like I never loved you."ª
[I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play]
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You actually did it. You actually *said* it. Deep inside, I guess I hoped that it was a mistake. That you'll tell me so and then we'll be together again.
But it wasn't. So what should I do now?
What should I *feel* now? Because all I feel is a numbing coldness that's a very welcome relief from the pain your mere presence can invoke.
Damn it. Damn you!
Damn me...
...
Tell me, anyone...
What should I do?
A lengthy silence. The two figures just gaze at each other.
[Hand over my heart I'll find my way]
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I can't show him that though.
If I do, then I'll never be able to leave him.
Not again.
An impassive face is given to the slightly shaking boy.
[I will make them give to me
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Blessed *numbing* silence.
...
If I never talk, never move from this moment, will I turn to ice and make the pain stop?
...
Feh. I shouldn't think that way.
I shouldn't.
But I can't seem to stop it...
"Damn you." Tremors shook the slim youth. "Damn you, you bastard."
[There is a vision and a fire in me]
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Both intense, both caring...
But I broke the pattern. Now we can't ever return to those days. However much I want to, the wheel has turned.
...
And it's leaving me behind...
The still shaking boy lowers his head.
"What's the matter, *koibito*?" A mocking question. "I *told* you that you wouldn't like my answer. But you didn't listen to me. You *never* listen to me."
[I keep the memory of you and me inside]
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I guess you were right all along.
I hate it, but it seems that you never really loved me like you do her...
And now I have to let you go.
"Damn you!!" The enraged boy suddenly punches the other in the stomach. As the breath whooshes out of the fallen boy, a low phrase is admitted.
[And we don't say goodbye]
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The end of us for good. The end of my hopes, the end of my dreams, the end of my love...
...
And the start of everyone else's...
"I loved you, you know."
A sad look upwards. "And I loved you."
[We don't say goodbye]
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Now I've lost my only friend, and my only lover both in one stroke. How can you give us up? Even now as I realize that there never will be an us again, I still don't understand why...
I always thought that we'd stay together. After all we've been through, I haven't lost you yet to the war and battles that rage around us...
Now I've lost you through your own volition, to go to her.
That's another reason I hurt.
...
I said before that I don't hurt anymore?
I lied.
I don't want to. I want *you*, but if I can't have what I truly want, will *she* make it stop?
I've been hurting my whole life. You made it stop, but now you've left me and it hurts even more...
Anyone, please...
Just make the pain stop...
"Then *why*?!"
"It would never have worked out. Others need us too much. More than we need each other. We can't afford to be selfish." Another vaguely yearning look. "I.. I already hurt her too much by even *starting* things with you. But I couldn't resist."
"Then stay." An order given.
"You don't need me."
"How can you presume to know what I need?!"
A repeated answer, "You don't. I've told you before, you're strong. You *can* let go. You.." A deep breath, "you should go to *her*. *She* needs you too." A small smile. "We're fighting to save the dreams of many, we can hardly do that only to destroy the dreams of two."
"*She* knows already."
"The kind of love *she* has for you won't let that bother *her*."
"Then this is it." A resigned tone.
A hand is brushed over a soft cheek. "I'm afraid so."
[With all my love for you]
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But my heart cries out that it doesn't want to.
Hn.
Melodrama has never suited me.
...
But what else is left to me?
"If *she* wasn't there, we would've stayed together, wouldn't we?"
"Maybe. But it's no use thinking of if-onlys. It'll only drive you mad."
A bitter joke is attempted. "More so than usual?"
"No. You're not mad. You're just too idealistic."
A biting laugh. "You *must* be mistaking me for someone else."
A soft response. "No. You just show it in a different way."
A last confession, "I miss you. I miss us. I always will."
"I.." Something catches his eye that stops him. The frost returns to his tone. "I'm afraid you're the only one." He bows once. "Farewell. I hope that you will find happiness in your future."
"Why so formal? You can hardly say that we're strangers. Strangers couldn't hurt each other as much as we have."
A glacial stare is the only response given.
[And what else we may do]
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Maybe I should go to *her*. *She* can make the pain stop. *She* can help me, right?
...
*She* can help me get over you... right?
I want to forget you, even as I want to linger over the memories...
Please, anyone...
Just make it stop...
Make the pain stop...
"Goodbye," is offered in a low voice.
Another brusque nod is given as the icy figure starts to walk away.
The boy stares at the retreating frame for awhile, then his attention is captured by another person.
A regretful glance behind is given from glittering eyes by the now far away boy.
[We don't say goodbye]
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God.
How I wish it didn't.
But it had to.
I.. I hope that you finally understand *why*
...
And I hope that you'll always remember me...
As I'll always dream of you...
The boy looks back.
He sees a strong figure being hugged by a happy, laughing girl.
A sad smile is on his face as he whispers, "I'm sorry it had to be this way. I'll always love you, Heero."
I know, I know. My style is kinda disorganized and stuff. But if it makes it any easier, the first perspective after every introspection is *always* from the same person, except for one line where it really *is* just one line and at the end.
¤~¤ = Duo's view
¹Duo is referring to how he believes that Relena *can* bring about peace if only given the opportunity. Heero doesn't quite believe that, but he knows that Duo does.
PS If they're kinda erratic in their thoughts, eep. Um, they're going over an agonizing breakup with their soulmates, isn't that excuse enough? ^^;;