@)
~~>>~~ * ~~<<~~(@Remembering
@)
~~>>~~ * ~~<<~~(@The war was finally over. After spending most of his life running, hiding and training for fighting in the war, Heero realized that he didn’t have to anymore. Instead of just being another soldier, expendable if necessary, he could finally be anything he wanted to be. And therein lay the problem. What did he want?
He’d never thought he’d live past the war. In fact, he’d never wanted to. Why should he have? He was tired, so very tired, of everything. Why wouldn’t he be? In the entire span of his short life, all he had known was connected to the war. In some small part of himself, Heero admitted that he had even wished that the was wouldn’t end. As small as that part might have been, the point was that it was still there.
From the day he was born, he had been trained to be the perfect soldier. Emotionless, cold, unfeeling... all the qualities expected in a soldier. But while those qualities made him the perfect weapon during wartime, those very same qualities made him obsolete in the time of peace.
Heero’s hard glare was directed off to some point in the distance. He hated the new feeling of uselessness. He hated feeling lost. He’d never really felt much aside from the cold determination to accomplish each mission, and he didn’t welcome the new experience of emotions at all. He made a small mental note to himself. ~Don’t wallow in self-pity.~ That had never gotten him anywhere, it wouldn’t starts now. ~And neither would aimlessly wandering the streets, lost in thought.~ He shoved his hands in his coat pockets, continuing to walk ahead even as he realized how pointless the activity really was.
Oddly enough, the end of the war was rather anti-climactic for him. One seemingly ordinary day, just the same as any other, the news came in that an armistice had foreseen an end to the fighting. Just another day, and life as he had known it came to an abrupt end. All weapons had been collected and placed away, all soldiers had received notices that they had been discharged, and all civilians cheered and celebrated the new turn that history had taken.
Heero absently noted that due to some strange reason, his wandering path had caused him to end up almost right where he had started, his home -- no, his former place of dwelling. The army base. The lack of people in the area was disturbing for him to see. It added another nail to the coffin of his life.
Seeing no reason not to, he sighed and sat down against the chain-link fence surrounding the actual base. He leaned his forearms against his upraised knees and rested his head on them.
His path had led him almost full-circle. As had his thoughts. After all the time he had spent walking and thinking, his question still remained unanswered.
the war was over, and so was the chapter of his life that defined him as a cold fighter. And in the new era of peace, pacifism, and general goodwill...
What was a soldier like him left to do?
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*
~OWARI~
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Kyaa!!! My very first finished Heero-instrospection fic! And it’s so short! Well, considering the fact that I’ve liked Duo best since forever, it’s kind of not hard to believe that this is my very first one, ne?
Heero: {stoically}At least I didn’t die.