How much do you know?

How *can* you know?

Except... you do.

That somehow you managed to get into my defenses. You have something about you. Maybe it’s charisma. Maybe it’s charm. Maybe it’s just you. Whatever one can call it, you managed to catch my attention.

Congratulations. Only one other has managed that.

...

You’ve caught me, so now what do I do?

Everytime we have to work together, you draw me in closer. Every single thing you do fascinates me. Even just being in your quiet company makes me feel...lighter somehow.

You’re the only one who can make me forget the war we’re embroiled in.

...

You know. You don’t know *how* much, but you know. Otherwise, why else would you keep giving me those sidelong, speculative glances when you think I’m not looking?

I see them, though.

Whether you’ve realized this or not, I’ve been watching you for a long time. Ever since we first met, in fact.

How could I not?

The way we met was so... memorable.

It’s not fair trying to second-guess you when I don’t even know myself.

You know, and I know, that I care for you.

The question is, ‘Do I love you?’

And I can’t do anything without knowing.

I won’t let myself hurt you.

I won’t let myself hurt *me*.

I know I like you as a friend. I know that I don’t want you as a lover.

At least, not quite yet.

I’m not ready for that. After all, you’re my first experience with these emotions.

Maybe... *surely*... in time I will. It’s inevitable with you.

But as of right now, all I want is...not quite a lover, but more than a friend.

I think I want you as my beloved.

It just feels so *right* with you.

But I’m hesitating because I’m wary of the consequences.

We’re both Gundam pilots. Sooner or later one of us will get hurt.

And then what?

I... I think that I *do* love you. The way things are, you’ll manage to get the whole of me before I even know it.

If I only let myself.

Tell me...

*Should* I let myself?

I know you care for me. I know you love me.

But you won’t do anything about it. At least, not until you find what you’re looking for.

I just wish I knew what it was.

...

I do know.

...

I just can’t decide yet.

I’m so close though.

A single sunny smile can tip the scales into your favour.

Into *our* favour.

So I avoid you as much as I can.

Inevitably though, I’m drawn into your presence.

I can’t help it. You fascinate me as much as the lilting strains of the orchestra captivates its audience.

Times like this, I’m grateful for my training as a soldier.

That way I can hide the effects of those sleepless nights I’ve spent thinking of you.

I remember the times we’ve spent together, if only planning a mission.

The times the stars would seem to call the both of us outside and you’d gaze at me with a soft, gentle look on your face.

The times when the sunlight touched your head in such a way that a fiery corona framed your head...

I think... I think I’ll take the risk.

You’re worth it.

...

*I’m* worth it.

...

Aren’t I?

...

Another reason I hesitate is because of what you are.

You’re so... pure.

Not an innocent, but pure.

If you were innocent, then you wouldn’t be able to fight in your Gundam.

If you were innocent, your purity wouldn’t be as admirable.

If you were innocent, then you wouldn’t want me and make sure I know it...

It’s in your slightly teasing glances whenever you’d ‘accidentally’ brush up against me.

It’s in your suspiciously mischievous look as you lean into me as we talk.

You really are driving me crazy.

...

But I like it.

I like *you*.

...

I might as well admit it, if only to myself.

...

I... I love you.

The next time I see you, I’ll tell you.

You’ll smile, and you’ll act surprised, and you’ll be very happy, but you won’t fool me.

Sooner or later, you’d have gotten me to admit it.

I haven’t spent all that time around hunters without learning how to recognize a predatory look when I see one.

The hunt ended a bit later than what you probably hoped, but sooner than you expected. You love me, so you orchestrated this.

It’s really very amusing, when one thinks about it afterwards.

Aggravating during the process, though. And hard to hide behind an indifferent face.

But it’s alright.

I love you. I certainly wouldn’t have been lured into the game if I didn’t have any feelings for you.

So now the chase is over.

And we’ll be happy because we’ll be together.

Now that I know what to do, I’m somewhat tempted to delay letting *you* know.

I’m tempted, but I know not to. One doesn’t dangle meat in front of a lion for too long.

You don’t want to get mauled in its eagerness to get what it wants.

I won’t wait, but there *is* one thing I want to know before I tell you that I love you.

How did you ever manage to plan this out, Quatre?

Go to the next part: Mouth
Back to the fanfics page. ^_^
Send comments to: denised@idmail.com

---